Ihsan Al-Than can stop at both sides tolerating each other’s viewpoint. Dialogue, however, aims to create a new understanding based on the views and needs of all sides to an issue or problem. Thus, we need to move beyond simply tolerating or even accepting other points of view and begin the process of actually seeing things from the other point of view. To do this we need Qabool, or endurance. Qabool means to “endure” the views of others by going beyond tolerance or acceptance and working to suppress our biases or needs to actually try to understand and work with these different views. This, however, is not easy, hence the use of the term “endures”. We need to endure opposing points of view even if we do not agree with them or believe them to be contrary to our needs. We need to endure the process of looking at opposing points-of-view to understand their source and motivation. Ultimately, we need to endure the possible need to abandon our positions in favor of a new and possibly more effective position.
To endure means we need to exert effort, patience, and tolerance. We will not do this, however, if we are not sure, there will be some return benefit for us. So, what benefit will we gain from Qabool? There are two primary benefits to Qabool.
First, it will bring us closer to the goal of developing effective and constructive dialogue amongst us. The second, and more immediate, benefit is that by looking at situations from varying points- of-view we will gain new insights and widen our perspectives on matters. Realizing this second point is key to accepting Qabool. Why? Because, by accepting the fact that ignoring the views of others deprives us of the benefits these views might contain, we will be internally motivated to adopt Qabool. Arriving at this realization, however, is not an easy one-step process. It will be gradual and will take considerable effort on our part. It is akin to adopting a new hobby like horseback riding, for example. At the start we are uncomfortable and anxious because we do not know enough to enjoy what we are doing. Thus, instead of focusing on the beauty of the sport or the horse itself, we spend most of our concentration trying to learn the sport and its various techniques (In Qabool this represents the starting phase when we try to learn tolerance and the process of looking at issues from opposing points-of-view.) Slowly, as we become more comfortable and knowledgeable in the sport, we will begin to appreciate it and the new perspectives it gives us. For example, we will begin to look at the beauty of the sport, at the beauty of the animals, and at the physical benefits it has given us (In Qabool this represents the point when tolerance, acceptance, and endurance become second nature to us, and we begin reaping the benefits of the various points-of-view we are exposed to). In short, Qabool is an acquired talent, the benefits of which can only be reaped once this talent, is fully adopted by us.
How does Qabool manifest itself in us? We will have adopted Qabool when:
- We demonstrate tolerance by not letting our disagreements lead to animosity or an inability to function with others.
- We actively listen and try to clarify the opposing point-of-view to determine what others are trying to say and what their true motivation is.
These behaviors will further our acceptance of different points-of-view and make it more likely for us to work with these differences rather than against them. A sure sign we have adopted these behaviors is when we find ourselves searching hard for points of agreement, and for methods of fitting our understanding with others’ models. When this becomes possible, we will have demonstrated Qabool and taken a further step towards dialogue.